another Dear you,

Dear You,

It aches insides, the hole abides, ever digging, always staying.
...
....
I'm lost


darken,
me

......

everything is gone.
i thought i had somewhere to grab something that could stop the fall
but its gone
i thought i had someone to whisper it would be okay someone to tell me to be brave
but their gone
everything has turned to ash, where do i go from here when no one wants me.
. ....

nothing else to do

Dear You,

You incompetent fool. Watch where you’re going, look at the step! You fumble your way and stupidly play like there is only this day. You’re a fool to think that they can see you . You're a fool to think that it matters what you do. Did you not see the words written on the stone? The words you wrote that defined in your life. They are who you are they are all you’ll ever be, a fool just another one of the worlds disposable tools.

ME

saturday

Dear You,

I almost remember the it felt when her hands ran down my chest, the way it felt when everything faded from me and nothing but her and I mattered. I almost remembered the scent, a soft lingering spice that used to make my heart stall impatiently waiting for that next touch. Just for a moment I was somewhere else, I was someone else.

Just for a moment the world paused and it was me that mattered most. Reality stole me back just seconds before I felt the full rush of the passion flush over my body, reminding me how can't I remember something that I have never felt. Nothing is real, not her nor the words; not the touch nor the flood of the memories that I almost had. Nothing is scared, not for me the words are empty said to comfort in the moment of time but the feeling dies so quickly when you’re out of sight and you’re out of mind.

I almost remember what it was like to be you. Are you still here? Where did you go? Why did you leave here all alone? You, I do very much miss you.

Alone,
Me

less than you,

Dear you,

Should I let you go? Should I let you fall away from me? Should I walk from here never to be seen again? Where should I go? What should I do? While all I do is fall and trip over you. Finding myself on the stairs towering over life gently touching the next step knowing I could easily fall to my death. But you are so high, how can I reach you so high among the angels where you will never die. How can I reach you if I do not try? There among the blessed there where you heart can rest. Is there place for the wicked and pressed? I know now to let you go, I know now you are too high for me to find. I think I am ready… ready to soar. I think now I am ready to let you go.

Indebted,

Me

what really is loss of life.

My endless ramblings in to the echo of nothing.

does it matter in the end?

would it change anything from the begining?

 

If you choose one thing in ur life to take away, what would it be? Do you think that it would change the result of something or change where u stand at the very moment? What if just what if you didnt do something, would someone else have done it? have u ever wondered what would have changed?

I think if i had not done "something" it doesnt matter what anything really someone else would have. it makes no difference. bcos it would have been done regaurdless. like a page already written and u touch it thinking hte ink is wet and u can change one word, a thought, a moment in time u can stand and make a difference not to the world but to someones world. I sit back wondering if i ever really did. or was it all nothing.

when i die and i am buried ppl will past the tombstone never acknowledging that i ever existed. never know that i bleed, never now that i have loved. Never know the dreams that pass through my heart and mind day in and day out. the times when i thought how blessed i was just to breathe. they will never know that i just wanted to be held by someone whose world i had touched. what would i leave behind? nothing. i have done no great task to be remembered not even by the smallest. if someone is so easily forgotten while alive how easy it will be to forget that they ever walked this earth when they die.

I have done anything i keep asking myself.

have i done anything to have caused a ripple of good, inspiring another for grand things in someone life. Last week i would have said without a doubt yes. I would have said that i may not have done the best by that person but i was there, and they will remember that i was here. and one day we will meet again under the same stars. 

but today i am not so sure. perhaps it is just that i grow wery of the pain. the constant agnoy sometimes i am afraid to breathe because with each exhale i get sharp stabbing pains shooting up from my abdomin in to chest. prehaps i am tired of the ease of confusion, how can i feel "at home" if i always feel like i am lost. i know somewhere in the back of my mind i am at home this is where i belong but it doesnt feel right. Like soemthing is not right that gnawing feeling that eats at you until u cant breathe. prehaps it is the never being able to look that far ahead. i never understood the luxary of being able to plan for the future until my future was taken before it even had a chance to be. if u promise something u should be able to do it right. so how can i promise anything? i never know when i lay down will it this be my last night, when i wake i do my systems checks heart rate... breathing the sense of thankfulness washes over me but then i realise that what if this is the last day i have. What do i do? i never forgot to tell my heart not once, i never forgot to make the amends that need to be made trying not to leave this world colder than it was when i came in to it. But then it becomes like i am always saying goodbye and never leaving. Have u ever had a visitor come and say that they were leaving and then 3 hours later they still are sitting there. It gets in the way because then u are being stopped from planning ur future. so they become a bother u may love them with ur whole heart and never wish harm to come upon them but at the same way they do indeed get inthe way.

 

so what i have done this week.. just this week i am not even going to go in to the dark deep distance past because if i have to dig that far back to find something worth while then i am not worth the breath i take. no i have done nothing. 

sad day indeed. when a person can mourn their own loss of life.    

memo to you

Blogophilia 21.4 Topic: "Misspent Youth"

Bonus Points:

(Hard, 2pts): incorporate a pair of 'similes' (in other words USE two similes rather than the literal sense of 'a pair of similes')

(Easy, 1pt): use a guitar pick

Memo to you,

Like a moth to a flame my life is once again being rearranged. A ghost of the past sorts it like a comic’s laugh, making the complicated become entwined with the deranged, twisting and turning displacing the meaning of irony behind the mask. Searching through the years of my last using the guitar pick of my misspent youth the medley falls together crashing like fire and water somewhere in the steam is where I reside this is where I gladly live and happily die living life were the passions collide.

Shooting for the stars,

Me

Marvin am aiming high and when i say high i mean high on the list for the topic guess Just Judi

now i will ... aim for the heart (lol) for the list for the pic guess Evil Twin.